Hey yall...whats up...I know...long time no talk. But...I got a new journal...so IM me, or leave me a comment if you want me to add you or tell you what it is ok!!! Laterz!!!

love always,
*amber*

mood: confused music: Helena...My Chemical Romance

Well...the last few days have been very...well...they were great...then yesterday kinda sucked butt! lol Wanna know why...just ask!

Anywho...Im gonna try out for American Idol...auditions are in September!!! Im really really excited! lol Then after that...depending how it goes...looks like I may be moving again. YAY!!! I think right now, Im just confused about everything. Im not really sure what to do. Not really sure what I can do...

I dont wanna say Im sad...cause Im not...and Im not dissapointed either...Im just kind of...well...blah...

I got a song that kind of helps say how I feel...its not all right...but its close enough...

love always,
*amber*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I know theres something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes...yeah
youve built a love but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns to dark

listen to your heart when hes calling for you
listen to your heart
theres nothing else you can do
I dont know where youre going
and I dont know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

sometimes you wonder if this fight is worth while
the precious moments are all lost in the tide
theyre swept away and nothing is what it seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams

listen to your heart when hes calling for you
listen to your heart
theres nothing else you can do
I dont know where youre going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

and there are voices, that want to be heard
so much to mention but you cant find the words
the scent of magic, the beauty thats been
when love was wilder than the wind

listen to your heart when hes calling for you
listen to your heart
theres nothing else you can do
I dont know where youre going
and I dont know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

listen to your heart
I dont know where your going and I dont know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

mood: aggravated music: none...

Well...I was having a good day until a little while ago. Today has just been bad all the way around. On top of that...Dan was supposed to come in...so I spent all day cleaning up and getting ready, and got there a half hour early...I waited an hour...and finally got a message saying...Im not gonna be able to come...HELLO IT TAKES 4 HOURS TO GET HERE...WHAT HAPPENED IN THOSE 4 HOURS!!! Ugh...theres nothing to do tonight...nowhere to go...nothing to do...no one to hang out with. I am so bored...

Anyways...I look pretty for nothin! lol Oh well...shoulda known...

mood: drained music: Broken Vow...Josh Groban

Well, I was listening to Josh Groban just now...and I think I forgot how brilliant of a musician he is. He's just so peaceful with his voice. Theres so much control. Have you ever wanted something SO bad, but youd give it up for just one person. Well thats kind of what Im doing. This song means so much to me...well certain parts of it tell how I feel. I just wish it meant something coming from me. So...here goes...I love music...its the only thing I can trust will always be there, and understand me, and help me through everything...well...besides God. I think God gave it to me to rely on when Im sad...

So yeah...this song is about someone cheating on someone else and getting their heart broken. And my circumstance isnt like that...but some of the words in this song really apply to me...so I changed all the "his" or "hers" and highlighted what meant the most...enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

tell me her name, I want to know
the way she looks and where you go
I need to see her face, I need to understand
why you and I came to an end

tell me again, I want to hear
who broke my faith in all these years
who lays with you at night while I'm here all alone
remembering when I was your own

I let you go, I let you fly
why do I keep on asking why?
I let you go, now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
more than a broken vow

tell me the words I never said
show me the tears you never shed
give me the touch, the one you promised to be mine
or has it vanished for all time?

I let you go, I let you fly
why do I keep on asking why?
I let you go, now that I've found a way to keep somehow
more than a broken vow

I close my eyes
and dream of you and I
and then I realize
there's more to love than only bitterness
and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul to hold you once again
and never let those moments end

I let you go, I let you fly
now that I know, I'm asking why
I let you go, now that I've found a way to keep somehow
more than a broken vow

mood: amused music: none...

Well...I know it may be a bit early to be thinkin about this. But Ive been thinkin about marriage lately. I really want to get married. Shouldnt marriage be shared between two people, who are able to be there for one another and go through things together. Yes it should. Well, I think so at least. And Im torn up over a decision. Its so hard for me because I always go along with whatever I have to. But I think for once...I cant do it. I just cant wait that long. I just dont know what to do. Its not about money, or where to live... but its just my luck. Why cant something go the way I want for a change. Ive sat back and gone through crap for love, Ive sat back and went along with everything for someone...so why cant I have just one thing for a change. Maybe its selfish of me to think that. But I cant help it...I think I need to watch the notebook. Wow...

God please help me. I know Ive said that a lot lately...but you've done nothing but guide me and help to the answers that I need. Please help me think clearly...

mood: anxious music: none...

:x: Time = 10:31
:x: Name = Amber Dawn Newton
:x: Tattoos = 2...one on the back of my neck, and another on my lower back
:x: Piercings = ummmmmmm, 14
:x: Height = 5'5"
:x: Shoe size = 9
:x: Hair color = Brown
:x: Eye color = green
:x: Siblings = 2

Last:
:x: Movie you saw = Radio
:x: Movie you last bought = Phantom of the Opera
:x: CD you bought/burned = My Chemical Romance
:x: Song you listened to = Helena...My Chemical Romance
:x: T.V. show you've watched = this Jeff Foxworthy thing...I am so not a redneck...I swear!!! lol
:x: thing you bought = ummmm...candy??? lol

Do:
:x: You wish you could live somewhere else? = yes
:x: You have a crush on someone? more than a crush! lol
:x: Others find you attractive = I think so...
:x: You want more piercings = nah...
:x: You like cleaning = sometimes lol
:x: You like roller coasters = oh yeah
:x: You write cursive or print = cursive
:x: Long distance relationships. = been there...done that...doin it right now
:x: Driving drunk = never have...never would...
:x: Ever cried over a girl = ummmmm in a friend way...yes
:x: Ever cried over a boy = oh yeah...plenty of times...and most of them were all over one guy lol
:x: Ever been lied to = Who hasnt???
:x: Ever been arrested = nope!

What:
:x: Shampoo do you use = tressame...I love it...it makes my hair so soft!
:x: Are you scared of = the ocean
:x: number Of hearts I have broken?= ummmm dont know if I have
:x: number Of people I could trust with my life?= there is only one I could honestly say that about...lol
:x: Of scars on my body?= lots and lots
:x: Of things in my past that I regret? = ummm I suppose there are a couple of things...but then again...would I be in this place in my life if I hadnt done those things...

Do you think you are:
:x: Funny = ive heard I am hilarious
:x: Loveable = very much so
:x: Caring = sometimes a little too much...it gets taken advantage of...
:x: Dorky = sometimes

Favorite:
:x: 4 letter word: love...
:x: Actor/Actress: Vince Vauhn
:x: Color(s): green

Person who last:
:x: Saw you cry: wow...ummmmmmmm...I really dont know
:x: Yelled at you: mom...
:x: Sent you an email: mike

Have you ever:
:x: Said "I love you"= Yes...
:x: Kept a secret from everyone. = yeah...
:x: Cried during a movie = oh yeah
:x: Planned your week by tv guide = no...

:x: What time is it now?: 10:44

This or that:
:x: Apples or bananas?: bananas
:x: Blue or red?: red
:x: Walmart or target?: WALMART!!! lol but I love Target
:x: Spring or Fall?: Fall
:x: What are you gonna do after you finish this?: i dunno

Last:
:x: Noise you heard?: kiko barking
:x: Smell you sniffed?: my hair...it smells good
:x: Time you went out of state?: bout a month ago or so...to Oklahoma
:x: Do you believe in love at first sight?: ummmmmm....not really sure
:x: Do you want children one day & if so, how many? yes...probably 3...maybe 4
:x: Most important thing to you in a friendship is? loyalty...and respect

Other Info:
:x: Criminal record?: dont have one
:x: Do you speak any other languages?: I can speak spanish pretty well
:x: Last book you read: my bible
:x: B/F or G/F: yes...and he is great!
:x: How old do you look?: I've been told 20-22
:x: How old do you act?: probably like 24 or 25...im mature for my age
:x: Pets= Kiko...hes a pomeranian!!!
:x: What makes you happy?: my b/f

Have You Ever:
:x: Thought you were going to die: yes...
:x: Wanted to Run away: yes...
:x: Flunked a grade: nope...grades...yes lol
:x: Been in jail: nope
:x: Contacted the police: yeah...
:x: Been in love: yes...
:x: Stolen Anything: a pack of gum when I was 6...but I thought it was setting out for me to take...and when the buzzer thing went off I cried hysterically...and they felt bad so they let me have it...wow...i was spoiled...
:x: Cheated On A Test: sadly...I believe so
:x: Been In The Hospital: yeah...
:x: Let a friend cry on your shoulder: oh yeah...
:x: Fell asleep in the bath: I have before
:x: Gone to Church: yuppers!
:x: Been to camp: yuppers...church camp
:x: Been in a earthquake: not that I know of
:x: Been in a tornado: yeah...
:x: Knew you were in love: yes...
:x: Streaked in the streets: ummmm...I flashed a camera once...not happy abou tthat either...
:x: yelled at someone you love: yeah I have
:x: Been attacked: yeah...
:x: Stayed on the phone for over 3 hours: oh yeah...and longer...

:x: What time is it now: 10:54

mood: anxious music: Helena...My Chemical Romance

Well...today has been ok I guess. I woke up and went out to mow the yard. That was horrid! It is so hot outside. I thought I was gonna pass out! lol

Then I came in...talked on the phone for a bit...and now Im probably going to watch some tv, or find somethin else to do...lol If anyone wants to hang out...let me know!

Well...Im gonna go for now I guess...im so bored!!!

Love always,
*amber*

this song doesnt apply to anyone...I just LOVE IT!!!

Helena...by My Chemical Romance

long ago 
just like a hearse, you die to get in again 
we are so far from you

burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate
the lives of everyone you know 
and whats the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break) 
and like a blade you stain (blade you stain)
well, I've been holding on tonight 

whats the worst that I can say
things are better if I stay 
so long and goodnight 
so long and goodnight 

came a time 
when every star falls
brought you to tears again 
we are the very hurt you sold 
and whats the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
and like a blade you stain (blade you stain)
well Ive been holding on tonight

whats the worst that I can say
things are better if I stay 
so long and goodnight 
so long and goodnight 

well if you carry on this way 
things are better if I stay 
so long and goodnight 
so long and goodnight 

can you hear me 
are you near me
can we pretend to leave and then
we’ll meet again, when both our cars collide

whats the worst that I can say
things are better if I stay 
so long and goodnight 
so long and goodnight 

well, if you carry on this way 
things are better if I stay 
so long and goodnight 
so long and goodnight

mood: amused music: none...

Well...today has been pretty uneventful...

I went to the mall with Nichole...hoping Id get to stay awhile...but that didnt work out. I had to come home early. Now Im stuck here at my parents house...all alone...with nothing to do...and no one to talk to.

I also noticed today that I have a butt. And it looks different in jeans than it did before. I guess when you lose weight...you notice things there that you didnt really notice as much before. I had a butt before...but now I HAVE A BUTT!!! lol Its a nice butt...but hey...its there lol Sorry to talk about my butt...its just funny! lol I love these jeans! lol Silvers do wonders for me! lol

Well...lets see...tonight I will probably do a whole lot of nothing. Watch some tv....maybe watch a movie or somethin...so yeah if anyone wants to talk or anything...send me an IM or just call me...later yall!

Love always,
*amber*

mood: annoyed music: n/a...My Chemical Romance

Well...today has been great! lol Woke up, and Im still feeling a bit sick. But for some reason...everyone Ive talked to today has said...have you lost some weight??? You look smaller...and Im like...ummmmmmmm thanks! lol So yeah...everyone...Relacore really does work!

Lets see...I have no idea what Im going to do today. I wanted to go to the park again...but I dont have my car here...so...thats outta the question.

Anywho...I think Im gonna go...just wanted to update and say hey to everyone...if anyone wants to go to the mall or anything...then let me know!

love always,
*amber*

mood: hopeful music: Beautiful Disaster...Kelly Clarkson

Wow...ok...today has been exhausting!!! lol I am so tired!!! I woke up sick! I couldnt breathe, or do anything. Then I finally got my butt outta bed and got Bridgette to take in an application to some place. Then we went to the park. I jogged freakin 2 miles!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! My chest hurts so bad!!! lol

Other than that...Im bored. So if anyone knows of anything to do...call me up! But I cant drive...Im sick of driving everywhere, and now I dont have any gas...lol

Mike bought a new gun today...I wanna shoot squirrels with it!!! lol haha...that would make me happy!

And again...I would just like to make known...that God moments ROCK! lol YAY!!! Sorry...Im just really happy! God is so amazing!

Love always,
*amber*

mood: I feel like...DANCING!!! music: Worth it All...Disciple

First off...I just need to get this out...theres only one person I know who will understand this...I havent seen it yet...but Ive been reading some of the things...and I must admit...it is a bit funny

Caboose: "I see some walls, and some ceilings. Wait! Just one ceiling.
Sarge: "What's makin' all that racket?"
Blue Guys: "KILL THE REDS! KILL THE REDS! KILL THE REDS!"
Caboose: "You're not going to like it."

Well...yesterday was ok...last night was better! lol

Lets see...first off...today Bridgette and I are going to go look for a job...after that we may go jogging at the park. I really need to keep trying to get in shape...I feel so athletic...kind of...lol

And wow...GOD IS SO FRIGGIN AWESOME!!! I talked to someone last night for a couple of hours. And it was very very nice! Made me feel happy. Just wanted to say that...

So...ummmmmm yeah...I need to get some stuff done today! lol Im gonna go, but Im gonna leave some lyrics on here! Hope yall like em...its a GREAT song!

Love always,
*amber*

Worth It All - Disciple

its worth it all
if I can just see You, feel You
its worth it all
if theres just one that sees You, feels You
I know it will be worth it all

all the time its taken
to be here in this place
the scars have left their mark
but Im still running

forgetting what is behind
im moving straight ahead
and I will run with a passion till I reach the end
I wont let my eyes move left to right
Ill run with all my heart, Ill give it all I got

its worth it all
if I can just see You, feel You
its worth it all
if there’s just one that sees You, feels You
I know it will be worth it all

remembering all those voices
arrows that cut me down
theres something burning in me
that keeps me running
I know it will be worth it all

mood: anxious music: none...

So...today I feel like C-R-A-P dont ask why...I just do...lol Lets see...last night I talked to mike for a while...in case all of you are wondering who he is...Ill put some pics up on here...

Today I will probably get ready...and go lookin for jobs. If anyone knows of any places...please let me know. I really need one.

Ive learned that its really hard to hold on to something that doesnt really want to be held on to...kinda sucks huh...but...oh well...Ive been very bitter when it comes to love lately. Its harder for me to open up, and I cant seem to stop thinking about how things would be if I could just have what I want. But surely...I know God will provide, and I know He is the only true thing that can make me happy. So I put my trust in him...its hard to just get in your car and not know where you are going...ya know...like just to go out, and drive. Its kind of like that. I worry, will I run out of gas, will I get a flat tire, will I get in a wreck along the way. Life is just a really big road trip with nothing but dead animals on the side of the road, bumpy highways and a lot of really big semi trucks that drive really slow and get in your way. But I figure as long as I follow the speed limit, I'll be ok...

Yeah sorry about all that rambling...but...nothin better to say I guess! lol Im outtie...later yall...call me! Ya know the number...

Love always,
*amber*

this is mike!

and this used to be his car...I know...HOTNESS!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!

I love cars...

mood: I feel like SINGING!!! music: Beautiful Disaster...Kelly Clarkson

This is for someone...Im sure you know who you are! Later yall!!! Im outties!!!

he drowns in his dreams
an exquisite extreme I know
he’s as damned as he seems
and more heaven than a heart could hold
and if I try to save him
my whole world could cave in
It just ain’t right
no it just ain’t right

oh and I don’t know
I don’t know what he's after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if I could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
would it be beautiful?
or just a beautiful disaster

he's magic and myth
as strong as what I believe
a tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see
and do I try to change him
so hard not to blame him
hold on tight
baby, hold on tight

oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
but he’s so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if I could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
would it be beautiful?
or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
but he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
waited so long
so long

he’s soft to the touch
but frayed at the end he breaks
he’s never enough
and still he's more than I can take

oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if I could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
would it be beautiful?
or just a beautiful disaster

he’s beautiful
such a beautiful disaster

mood: bored music: none...

Hey yall whats up??? Well well well...busy busy busy!!! lol Been doin a lot lately...haning out with Bridgette, and hopefully soon to be working at Zales! YAY!!! Been shopping a lot too!!! I can fit into better stuff...and I hear my face looks better! lol Yeah, like that makes me feel better about myself...lol Anywho...I took some new pics...so Im gonna leave them on here...let me know what yall think! They are "pretty pics" lol

Today Im gonna go find somethin to do! People need to CALL ME!!! I wanna hang out!

Love always,
*amber*

mood: cheerful music: Behind These Hazel Eyes...Kelly Clarkson

YAY!!! here are some new pics of me!!! lol Bye Bye blondie!!!